A relationship has to work both ways. This is the hardest part. How do we get someone, we like, to do the same for us and best yet, sustain affection and their respect?
Will talking about differences do the trick? Or is it that some aspects of our character are so basic that a simple change is a no-go. Relationships are problematic because of expectations. The deeper we go, the greater the expectations.
And these expectations, are based on our own templates what our partner should do, how they must behave. We shape our expectations based on what we observe, from people around us ; partners, family, friends and society, but more importantly, we shape our expectations based on what we want from the person we are seeing.
I've got a problem I can't sustain relationships. Maybe, it's because of my idiosyncracies, or it's the type of people I simply have a knack of dating.
I have learnt that the best way to improve communication, is to broaden self-knowledge in the "blind area" of the Johari Window. The window is a communication model, used to explain the various aspects of self concept.
It looks like a box with the variables: Known to self, Known to Others, Unknown to Self, Unknown to others.
The "blind area" is a combination of: Known to others, unknown to self. People see, aspects of my character, my person in a way that I'm not aware of. I'm sure for a fact, that some of these views, do not flatter me at all and yet I have to find out what these issues, to make myself a more-rounded person, to have a greater chance of holding that precious someone for a longer time.
I have been labelled almost half a dozen ignominous labels which of course loses to the quantity of compliments I get but that's not the issue.
The "blind-area" affects everybody, but how many actually care about it? How many of us are willing to actually go up to our partners or friends, and ask "what the fuck is wrong with me?" That'll probably be a potent way to end a dying relationship. Grave-dressing the old men call it. But looking at my track record....
I guess I'll probably start doing it soon.
